How do you protect yourself when your husband wants a divorce is a question that troubles the minds of almost every married woman. With almost 50% marriages in the United States alone ending up in divorce, this alarming statistics is sure to ignite a fire of unwanted yet practical stress on the minds of married couples.
According to the latest NCHS (National Center for Health Statistics) report, of the 5 million marriages in the United States (that take place on an annual basis) almost 52% end up in divorce.
With so many articles and studies explaining each and every angle of a divorce, you can get overwhelmed when you start to google this term. So, in order to streamline the process and make it simpler for you (women) let me throw light on a few vital facts that you need to consider before you start signing the legal separation documents.
So, let me begin with the write-up!
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How do You Protect Yourself when Your Husband Wants a Divorce Article Contains:
1) What is the Current Divorce Trend?
2) How Has Covid19 Pandemic Affected the Current Divorce Rates?
3) What are the Main Reasons why Men and Women Divorce?
4) How can a Woman Save Herself when her Husband is Demanding a Divorce from her?
5) How can a Woman Financially Protect Herself from a Divorce?
6) How to Save Your Marriage when Your Spouse Wants a Divorce?
7) Conclusive Analysis
What is the Current Divorce Trend?
@ If the latest reports are to be believed then, the current divorce rate (on a global scale) stands at close to 45%. This is when per every 1000 people, 6 are married and close to 3 are all set to part ways permanently.
@ So, this figure is alarming as total number of marriages has decreased and the total number of divorces has increased. The divorce rate is as per the total number of people living in an area divided by the total number of divorces in that area.
@ For example, if there are 100,000 people in an area and the total number of divorces in a year is 600 then, the divorce rate is 6% (roughly 6 divorces per 1000 couples).
@ In the United States alone, there is a divorce every 13 seconds. This in turn implies that over 2.4 million divorces (on an annual basis) are recorded in USA alone.
@ The last recorded marriage report in the United States claimed that the marriage rate was 6.1% whereas the divorce rate was 2.7%.
@ Marriage rate and divorce rates are reducing in America. More than 40% first marriages end in divorce.
@ As far as third and fourth marriage divorce rate is concerned then, the percentage fluctuates in between 60% to 74%.
@ Russia has the highest divorce rate in the world.
@ Every 16th second, a marriage takes place and every 42nd second, there is a divorce in America.
@ Divorcees usually wait 3 to 4 years before getting remarried.
@ Usually, the age that tends to gather maximum divorce is the early thirties. USA has one of the highest divorce rates in the world (statistical data claims it to be on the 3rd spot).
@ Bartenders and dancers have the highest divorce rates whereas farmers and clergy enjoy the lowest divorce rates.
@ Usually most couple that get divorced have had an estranged relationship for a period of 8 years.
@ In the United States, the cost of an average divorce proceeding should cost a couple $15100. After the divorce is over, the parents of such couples tend to become hand-to-mouth as they need to fend for their kids.
@ Owing to the loss of jobs, delinquency, child support & other such expenses (post a divorce), the government in the United States has to spend $30,100 on an average for a single divorce case.
How Has Covid19 Pandemic Affected the Current Divorce Rates?
The issue with Covid 19 in the United States is with special regards to the high number of infections followed by fatalities. This forced the government to apply lock down, which hampered normal movement of people.
So, it is but obvious that couples stayed at home and had to tolerate each other. Arguments are natural between couples staying home. As there is no outlet (with shops and malls and your evening walks restricted) the emotions are pent up and tensions naturally flare.
When couples remain at home and have children to look after, the mental and physical stress faced is at its extreme. This is what initiates strife amidst couples.
Moreover, the fact also remains that household chores clubbed with restricted flow of income (owing to layoffs) simply drains you mentally. Children constantly need to be looked after.
Their schooling needs to be adhered to and home based tuition (which need to be overseen by the parents) are no trivial task. It takes a mental toll on both parties and wreaks havoc in an otherwise general and normal relationship.
Divorce rates during and post Covid19 soared several hundred times. This alarming figure has not yet reduced as the reduced marital rate is matching the shrinking marriage figures. So, the issue of rising divorce is indeed a menace.
What are the Main Reasons why Men and Women Divorce?
I (LeanAndFit review staff) personally feel that there is no single reason why you are about to get divorced. A couple of causes tend to ignite a flame that leads to a separation.
Here are a few such reasons:
The Monthly Income Issue:
Poverty has its own drawbacks. While it does allow you to manage your life in a frugal manner, it tends to jeopardize your marriage. So, if you make $1000 a month, your chances of getting divorced are high. On the contrary, if you make $6000 a month, your chances of getting divorced are less.
Tenure of Marriage:
It has been estimated that when a marriage is in its 9th year, the chances of getting divorced are high. Basically, couples tend to handle each other for about eight years (age factor) before losing it completely. So, your marriage tenure has a major role to play here.
Commitment is No Longer Existent:
In most cases, the level of commitment that couples had when they first got married has reduced dramatically. When there is lack of commitment then, breaking-up is the only way to lead a normal life.
It could be owing to (both of you) disliking each other’s ‘line of thoughts’. It could also be owing to the couple’s diverse taste in terms of leading their respective lives.
Whatever the reason may be, lack of commitment is a clear sign that your relationship is nearing the end of its turbulent journey.
Clash of Words:
Believe it or not but words make a dramatic impact on the lives of people. They can make or break a relationship. Ironically, once you have spoken a word, it never comes back – as in, you cannot retrieve it.
When couples quarrel and have a constant verbal spat, they tend to jeopardize their relationship. There comes a point in their lives when the institution of marriage is all set to crash.
Catch a Cheating Spouse:
Yes another reason why men and women part ways is owing to a cheating spouse. When any one of the partner is caught in the act, the chances of separation are literally doubled. It could be the case with same sex marriages as well.
Physical and Mental Harassment:
When an act of violence is initiated by either of the couple, it is considered harassment. In such a scenario, it is but natural for both the parties to start seeking alternatives to their present living conditions. Harassment could be both mental as well as physical in nature.
Married at 18 Years of Age:
In case a couple tends to get married way too early, chances are that compatibility would remain a serious issue. Usually, when young couples get married in their teens, their marriages do not last a lifetime. As couples mature, they realize that their partner was not meant for them.
I am Not Ready Yet:
This sounds quite a statement, yet at times, couples are not ready to tie the knot. Unfavorable circumstances force them to get married. When they do tie the knot problems starts to creep into their lives. This may lead to a point when both wish to part ways forever.
Dreaming for the Skies:
When you are in a relationship, it is but natural to have demands from your partner. Nonetheless, when your spouse starts to make demands that seem unrealistic in nature, problems start to occur. When the water flows over your nostril, separation is the only way to maintain your mental peace and financial stability.
The Domineering Attitude:
It is not always the man of the house that is domineering. Females are also equally possessive and domineering in nature. When any one of the partner becomes oppressive (controlling figure), the other one feels trapped. This is what leads to a separation.
Religious Beliefs & Educational Qualifications:
Couples with spiritual bent of mind tend to have less divorce rates. A classic example is the clergy. Those that do not have religious or spiritual beliefs tend to enjoy higher divorce rates.
Similarly, couples that are high school dropouts tend to enjoy higher divorce rates as compared to those that have completed their graduation degree.
Virginity Age & the First Contact:
It has also been noted that women that lost their virginity before turning eighteen years of age were likely to divorce their partner as compared to those that maintained their virginity until their adulthood.
Couples that met at school or collages are more likely to stay together for life. Nonetheless, if you met later in life (such as at the workplace), chances of divorce are literally doubled.
Couple Contribution & Way of Life:
If one of the couple works while the other rests and makes little or no contribution towards running the house, conflicts within the family are normal. At the same time, if one partner has awful habits (alcoholic, drug or porn addict) while the other is sober, conflicts are inevitable.
Your Family History:
In case your parents divorced and then remarried different partners then, your chances of you getting divorced are on the higher side. At the same time, if your parents stayed together for the rest of their lives then, you too shall do the same.
The Child Related Issue:
An emotional bond is created when a couple give birth to a child. Kids act as a binding medium keeping both the parents together. Couples that do not have children do not have this support mechanism. Hence, separation amidst such couples is higher as compared to those that have kids at home.
How can a Woman Save Herself when her Husband is Demanding a Divorce from her?
We all understand that going through a divorce is not the nicest thing in the world. It is a situation where-in both the parties involved in the proceedings are liable to lose something (both financial and emotional).
Ironically, even the families of those involved in a divorce tend to be at the receiving end. Losses are inevitable yet they can be minimized. All you need to do is prepare well in advance.
Here are a few tips to prepare and save yourself from a divorce procedure:
Understand the Procedure:
The first and foremost aspect of dealing with a divorce is to understand the concept. In simpler words, all the basic legalities surrounding the element of divorce need to be well understood by you.
Surround yourself with the desired legal books and people that can help explain this concept to you. Once you have understood the process, dealing with it becomes a rather easy task.
Seek the Assistance from a Divorce Lawyer:
After gaining knowledge on divorce proceedings, the next step is to arm yourself. This is with the aid of a seasoned divorce attorney. To get hold of an attorney, you need to rely on your friends and family members.
After seeking their advice it is good to make a list of the top 5 divorce lawyers. Scan each of them and analyze their performance in helping their clients in divorce.
Shortlist the top two lawyers. Thereafter, speak with each of the two to take a final decision. Finalize the one that fits your bill the most.
Documents Need to be Carefully Studied:
During the course of a divorce, your spouse may prompt you to sign on certain documents. Doing so can lead you to trouble as they might legally bound you to relinquish your rights (both movable and immovable assets). So, you should abstain from putting your stamp on any document without consulting your lawyer.
Your Balance Sheet Needs to be in Place:
The debit and credit transactions need to be kept in place. All the bills of purchase (including daily household expenditure) need to be kept with you.
At least, you need to have a copy of all the purchases that you have made all throughout your marital life. While not every record can be maintained, save the most important ones (such as purchase of an asset).
Do Not Let Your Emotions get the Better of You
You need to be very careful while speaking to your children regarding your spouse. Negative words should never be spoken about your partner in front of your kids. Doing so shall have a negative impact on your children.
You should also remain within the confines of the house regardless of your current relationship unless the court asks you to vacate the premises. This helps you retain the right over your children and avoids custody legalities.
In case your relationship is ‘on the rocks’ and you are in the midst of divorce proceedings then, do as your lawyer says. When you listen to your lawyer, things usually do not go as bad for you as they would have (had you not paid heed to your lawyer).
Violence via your spouse needs to be dealt with by contacting the concerned authority. Instead of fighting with an abusive spouse, contact the local sheriff’s office and allow them to deal with the situation.
Keep Your Finances Separate:
In the wake of a divorce, you should separate your finances. So, avoid joint accounts and maintain assets in your name. Do not share your credit or debit card details.
Your share of car, house, medical and home insurance needs to be kept with you. Saving account has to be kept separate as is the case with a checking account.
Never Stop Communicating:
No matter how angry you are with your spouse, you should never stop the communication channel. Once that stops, your chances of getting a fair judgement are reduced dramatically.
How can a Woman Financially Protect Herself from a Divorce?
When you get married to the love of your life, everything seems rosy and perfect. Nonetheless, when things do not work out and you end up getting divorced, the same rosy picture is turned into a ghastly nightmare.
Not only does a woman suffer mentally, your finances can also get trashed if you are not careful with your money. Moreover, carelessness in finances can cause a woman to shell out more than she ever bargained for in the courtroom.
Here are a few ways to avoid this ghastly scenario:
Get Your Divorce Stamped ASAP:
Going through a divorce may be the toughest decision of your life. Nonetheless, the sooner you accept the reality, the better it is for you.
So, the very moment you both take a decision to go separate ways, get this (your separation) legally bound. Visit a divorce attorney and have him file for divorce.
The day the legal paper is put to place, your income remains in your custody and is not to be shared with your spouse. The more you delay, the less shall your finances become. So, act as soon as the decision (with regards to you both parting ways) is made.
Tax Liabilities Cannot be Ignored:
Regardless of whether you are getting a hefty or a petty amount (post the divorce), unless you have an idea regarding the tax implications of the receipt, you may be heading for a loss.
So, you may need to showcase yourself as the financial equal rather than a financially inferior partner. This helps you make more money (in cases wherein sale of physical assets begot taxation). The tax issues should also be discussed with your divorce attorney.
Bills that Need Regular Payments:
You (as a woman) need to make a note of all the expenses that happen in your household. It is great if you could analyze the balance sheet of your household expenses for the last financial year.
When you have a fair idea of the deductibles, you can seek a suitable alimony. Bills such as insurance, medical, educational loans or even mortgage need to be analyzed in their complete entirety.
You may also make a list of the necessary household expenses that you need to carry out on a monthly basis. These could include gas, electric and other utility bills.
Keep A Tab on Your Credit Rating:
It is highly likely that your spouse has made use of your credit card. To ensure that your divorce does not get you into trouble, keep a tab on your cards.
Also, it is wise to separate your finances from the day you file for divorce. This helps you maintain a clear stream of income that is not subject to any sort of division (owing to the divorce court verdict).
Pay Off Your Liabilities:
If you have to pay off your credit card bill then, do so as soon as possible. If you delay the bill then, it can backfire and work against you in the court of law.
If you lack the funds to do so then, opt for a chip-in payment with your spouse. When you are free from debts, you can negotiate for the best possible alimony as your credit score is high.
Use Practical Reasoning Over Emotions:
Avoid feelings such as guilt, shame, empathy or sympathy while going through a divorce. You need to judge everything practically and weigh the pros and cons of each decision logically.
Make sure you have all the assets and liabilities listed. It helps in the longer run to understand how your finances shall appear after the divorce has ended. Doing so also helps carve your financial future.
Keep a Track of All Transactions:
When you have filed for divorce, you need to be really careful of your finances. Keeping track of all the bills and maintaining them in a neat file is a wise thing to do. Click images of a bill that cannot be stored (such as a gas refill or a restaurant bill).
If you are sensing that a separation is on the horizon and you both have yet to determine whether to tread the divorce path or not, you should start maintaining a log of all the expenses. This can happen months to years before you actually file for a divorce.
When you have the necessary paperwork ready, hand it over to your attorney. It helps strengthen your case with special regards to improving your financial situation (post the divorce).
Employee Retirement Income Security Act:
When the question revolves around 401K then, you need to be very careful. This is where your spouse can play mean games and ensure that he rips off just that little bit of cash from your pocket that hurts the most.
To avoid such petty scams (conducted by a vindictive spouse), you should hire an attorney who is apt in dealing with the Employee Retirement Income Security Act. Doing so shall help safeguard your finances.
Marital House & a Changed Will:
The house that you both had bought and are paying for it via your combined income shall now become a burden. The one who keeps the house shall have to bear with its loan repayment.
This is why you need to ensure that you get rid of it before the divorce is finalized. At the same time, all the assets that you have in your name should have an updated beneficiary.
This helps all your loved ones to get what they deserve in the wake of an emergency crisis (such as a chronic ailment or an untimely death of the owner).
Out of Court Settlement is Preferred:
It is best to save your hard earned money. Your reserves should remain as untouched as possible. For this very reason, you should avoid getting into the hassles of hiring an advisory team or extra divorce attorneys.
Keep your divorce civil and try to settle all terms out of court. Doing so ensures that you are able to save your hard earned money from getting spent on completing legal formalities.
How to Save Your Marriage when Your Spouse Wants a Divorce?
When your spouse wants to ditch you and move to new pastures then, you are usually heartbroken. You feel hurt, victimized and helpless. Your nights are turned into sleepless ones and your peace of mind is destroyed. It seems as though the entire world has stooped down onto your shoulders.
You start to think, ‘how can I save my marriage when my husband wants a divorce?’ Alas! You do not have the answer to this question. Well, here are a few ways that actually work in saving your marriage from ending up in divorce:
Give Some Space to Your Spouse:
When you and your spouse are having a tough time getting along, it is best to give them some space. So, instead of speaking to your partner or pleading with him/her, just quit the room and walk away. A few days would be sufficient to get the ‘close door’ communication to open up.
Demand Vs Supply Needs to be Balanced:
You simply cannot give in to all the demands made by your spouse. If this is what is making you get irate with your spouse then, make some ground rules. You need to maintain a perfect balance in your life.
Giving into the demands of your spouse shall jeopardize your marital life. In fact, when there is no resistance left in a marriage, your spouse starts to consider you as a ‘not so important’ person.
Patience is the Key:
You need to stop quitting on your spouse. You need to give more time to a relationship that is facing the wrath of a separation. Basically, you need to withstand the pain of separation.
After you have learnt to deal with the emotional pain, you shall learn how to use it to your own advantage. Think of logical ways and means of pacifying and winning back your spouse.
Support Your Estranged Spouse:
Instead of showering abuses at your estranged spouse and putting him/her down, offer unconditional support and love. The support needs to be genuine in nature. It can be emotional, physical, financial and even spiritual.
When you start to support a partner that is not happy with you, the feelings are usually reversed. He/she shall begin to get back the love related feelings back. It helps save your marriage from utter collapse.
Groom Yourself & Shower Gifts to Your Spouse:
You need to take good care of yourself. In order to impress your estranged spouse, you need to make yourself presentable in his/her eyes. Spend some time in buying good clothes, exercising your body and meditating.
After competing your self-grooming session, you need to move to the next step, which is to please your partner. Avoid gifting on special occasions as it is common. Instead, shower your partner with gifts when there is no special occasion. This is sure to surprise your partner.
Change Your Current Line of Thought:
To bring about the change you need from your spouse, you need to change the way you think and act. Take a pen and paper and list out your top 10 actions that triggered your spouse.
Analyze each of these points and weigh the pros and cons of your current action. Think of how you can react differently to a situation that can avoid initiating the trigger in your spouse.
How do you protect yourself when your husband wants a divorce is a question that this article tries to answer. Apart from this, this write-up also tries to highlight the advantage of maintaining your marriage and stopping it from slipping into a divorce status.
While parting ways is easy, staying together and complimenting each other’s drawbacks is tough. Nonetheless, when you learn to adjust and change your rigid ways, not only would you remain together for life, you shall also avoid financial woes by avoiding a divorce.
So, it is in your best interest to respect the institution of marriage and live your life with your chosen partner. Ups and downs are a part and parcel of every relationship. Learn to deal with it and never give up on your partner.